A young woman’s guide to ease and grace part one.
Part one of a three-part series on placement. This post gives the lived context and the standard that makes everything work.
I grew up waiting tables.
I grew up managing everything, the money, the customers, the house, the emotions.
I grew up working when other girls were playing.
I didn’t wait for my dreams. I waited for my shift to start.
And underneath it all; I was still waiting.
Waiting to be held.
Waiting to be seen.
Waiting to be protected.
Waiting to be carried, so I could finally stop carrying everything myself.
I survived heartbreak.
I survived betrayal.
I survived hospitals, empty bank accounts, pregnancies terminated before they had names.
I survived men who wanted my body but never knew how to hold my life.
And still I waited.
I waited for rescue.
I waited for someone to make it right.
I waited for someone to choose me the way I had always longed to be chosen.
I found a good man.
I married him.
I built a home with him.
I raised children with him.
And still, I carried the load.
And still, I waited.
It wasn’t until I gave up waiting.
Until I abandoned hope entirely;
that everything changed.
I didn’t stop loving him.
He didn’t stop loving me.
But we both stopped waiting for the other to save us.
He got to work.
I got to work.
And in that space we found what had been missing all along.
Not rescue.
Not fantasy.
Not some fairytale ending.
We found structure.
Why I’m writing this for you
If I could reach my younger self;
the girl running food to customers while her heart was breaking;
I would tell her everything I am about to tell you.
But I can’t reach her anymore.
I can only reach you.
So this is for you.
For every girl who still thinks she has to wait.
For every woman who still hopes a man will make her whole.
For every heart that aches with longing;
not because it’s wrong,
but because it has been lied to.
You were trained wrong.
You were trained to think men hold the power.
You were trained to think your worth comes from being chosen.
You were trained to think love means being good enough for someone else’s orbit.
It’s not true.
Here’s the truth:
You hold the keys.
You always have.
Men orbit you.
Life orbits you.
Power flows from you.
But only if you stop waiting.
Only if you stop hoping.
Only if you stop trading your body, your love, your life for scraps of attention.
You are not dessert.
You are not decoration.
You are the space itself.
And if you anchor yourself now;
if you learn what I will teach you in these next pages;
you will never again be heartbroken for longer than two cycles.
You will never again beg a man to love you.
You will never again wonder if you are enough.
You will know you are gravity.
You will know he is orbit.
You will know you hold the frame from the first date to the last breath.
This is the real way.
No romance novel will teach you this.
No Instagram reel will show you this.
No tearful love song will sing you this.
Because power, real power, does not sell perfume or lingerie.
It doesn’t make women into desperate buyers.
It makes women into sovereigns.
That’s what I’m giving you.
And it starts now.
The standard that changes everything
If you have read this far, you already know what’s coming.
But let me make it so clear you could tattoo it on your ribcage:
If you want a man to love you, serve you, orbit you, and never stray;
you must own his ejaculation.
No exceptions.
No confusion.
No guessing.
What this means, plainly:
- He does not ejaculate without your permission.
- He does not masturbate without your direction.
- He does not finish without your witnessing or receiving.
That’s it.
Sex counts.
Blowjobs count.
Handjobs count.
Stroking counts; if you direct it, if you witness it, if you place it.
What doesn’t count:
- Sneaking off to the bathroom.
- Ejaculating into tissues behind your back.
- “Self-care” without your knowing and directing.
If he leaks his energy elsewhere, he leaks from you.
If he finishes without you, he finishes against you.
I’m not talking about control.
I’m talking about stewardship.
I’m talking about the kind of space where love actually survives and thrives.
Why this standard changes everything
If you hold this standard:
- You will never fake an orgasm for a handbag.
- You will never barter sex for affection, help, or peace.
- You will never resent your own body.
You will give when you choose to give, freely, fully, cleanly.
You will love without performance.
You will touch without trade.
Because the space will belong to you, and you will know it.
If he violates it
If he leaks, sneaks, or crumbles under the weight of his own need:
Cut him loose.
Not because you are cruel.
Not because you are punishing.
Because he is telling you he cannot anchor to your space.
If he cannot anchor before life gets hard;
he will not anchor when life really tests you.
It’s that simple.
You are not withholding love
You are not punishing him.
You are not demanding payment.
You are setting the only frame that lets real love exist:
- Love without performance.
- Connection without trade.
- Sex without resentment.
You are creating the only kind of relationship that can last without eroding your soul.
Why this works
Because deep down, he wants this.
He wants to orbit you.
He wants to belong to you.
He wants the permission to stop hunting, posturing, performing.
He wants the relief of knowing exactly where he lands, and exactly who he serves.
You give him that relief.
And he gives you everything he has, freely, joyfully, completely.
The next step
Now that you know the standard;
I will show you exactly how to establish it.
No drama.
No confusion.
No endless negotiation.
You will place it so cleanly that the right man will thank you for it.
And the wrong man will remove himself; saving you months or even years of heartbreak.
The science behind it
When a man ejaculates, four chemicals bind him to where it happens: oxytocin, dopamine, prolactin, vasopressin. His body doesn’t ask if it’s love. It binds to location, not emotion.
This protocol uses that.
You set the rule before anything starts. He doesn’t ask. He obeys or he’s out. Because he never asks, you don’t reject. Because he never takes, you don’t resent.
When he submits his climax to you, something shifts. Resistance drops. His logic quiets. His arguments thin out. He stops trying to win. He becomes soft to your correction, open to your direction, available in places that used to be locked.
That’s the power.
His submission to this rule tells you he’s pliable. Not just in bed, but in life, everywhere. You don’t have to fight for space. You don’t have to perform to be heard. You lead, and he follows.
That’s the outcome. That’s the point. That’s the frame.
Need scientific references? This page lists them.
Lai Yin
